britgurl (britgurl) wrote in unrequited_love,

I have a question: In your opinion can one be in love with someone who is not in love with them? I ask because of my situation. For the last five years I've been in love with a man who I've known for ten years. Before that it was just a crush. He LIKE likes me, when I'm around, but I'm pretty sure he's not in love with me. My mum thinks you can only be in love with someone if you're in an official "relationship" and I don't agree. I DO love him. I want him to fall in love with the perfect woman, even if she isn't me. I like spending time with him and everything; however, I know I'm in love. This isn't just a crush. Please tell me I'm not the only one who believes you can be IN LOVE with someone who doesn't love you back.
  • Post a new comment


    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded 

I strongly think that you are correct. I mean, not everyone falls in love with each other at the exact same moment do they? I think this happens with everyone. Someone always falls in love faster then the other.
yes you can and I have a couple of times but was to afraid to say anthing b/c fear of rejection.
yes, i belive you can be inlove with someone who dosent love you of my friends is going thru this same situation, and when the guy she was inlove with, started dating a girl, omg! she went nuts!....

its not getting any make sure, when u say u really want to see him happy even if its not with you, you can handle it? because if ur inlove..its not going to be easy to just let him go..... Take Care!
I've loved the same woman for over 20 years. She doesn't feel "that way" about me.
So in answer to your question: Yes, it's COMPLETELY possible.
Absolutely you can be in love with someone who doesn't feel the same way.
Love is like an eagle. As an eagle cannot fly with only one wing, even though the wing is effective and strong, so the existence of unilateral love is not possible. Love needs two people who exchange their energies with each other. If it is only one person who loves and the other one is totally indifferent, love is not possible. Altruistic and unselfish love cannot exist. Every love is always a mixture of altruism and egoism. If love is only altruism, you can be sure that this kind of love is not true love. It is like asking an eagle endowed with only one wing to fly. It never will be able to fly, yet with two wings it will soar so high that no other birds will be able to reach it. Love is like that. It’s necessary for two people to love each other at the same time. I do not believe in unreciprocated love. It has no sense, no meaning. Nothing can come out of it; it is not true love, it is only egocentric passion.
The book I have recently written deepens the issue love. I want to draw it to your attention, as you may be interested in it. The title is “Travels of the Mind” and it is available at
If you have any questions, I am most willing to offer my views on this topic.
Ettore Grillo

I respectfully disagree.

You're describing a relationship, not a feeling of one person loving another. Why does love have to be reciprocated for it to be genuine and real? Do you believe other emotions have to be reciprocated to be real? Let's say my friend and I get into a fight. She's not mad about it, really, but I am. Because she's not mad, does that make my anger not valid, or not really anger? Of course not.

You're in a community called "unrequited love" - maybe you should have a familiarity with the subject before you start writing books.

I've been in love with a man for five years who doesn't love me back. I'm sorry, but you have no idea what I've gone through over those five years. What I've wanted, what I've wished for, what I'm agonised over and what I've felt. You want to come in here and tell me that I don't really love him, that I'm just feeling "egocentric passion"? That I'm not capable of love because he doesn't love you back? What the hell do you know about it? How are you qualified to make that judgment call on me and my feelings? There's a difference between "love" and "passion", and I am intelligent enough to know the difference.

Also, to use the word "egocentric" suggests quite clearly that I'm being selfish in my love, and, further, that I'm getting something from it. Something positive. To the contrary, I am miserable every single day for the last five years. I've had mental breakdowns. I've slipped deep into depression. Some days, I don't even know how to function. But I get up every day and I do it all as best as I can, and I put on a good act in front of him (we're still friends, you see) because I want him to be happy.

So don't act like you have any idea what I really feel, that you know better than I do. Because you don't. You don't at all.
I think Greek Mythology includes everything: religion, psychology, love, and the life itself.

I like to quote the Myth of Eros and Psyche.

“The mystery of love is all contained in this myth . Psyche was a girl of rare beauty. Eros fell in love with her and in the night time he met her in a home in the middle of the forest, without ever revealing his appearance. ‘Until you will not try to know who I am,’ said Eros, ‘and to see me, our love will last. But if you try to penetrate into the mystery of my being, our love will vanish like snow in the sun.’ Nevertheless, Psyche’s sisters, envious of her, had convinced her that her lover was a monster. Psyche could not resist the temptation of knowing who her lover was and of seeing his face. So, one night, when Eros was sleeping, she took an oil lamp and in the light of it she was able to admire the extraordinary beauty of her man. Yet, a drop of hot oil fell from the lamp and landed on Eros’s shoulder, who woke up and saw Psyche bent over him. Indignant, he vanished like a cloud.“The meaning of the myth is universal, and it embraces all cultures, people, and traditions. You cannot understand love or observe it too closely, under penalty of seeing it vanish. You have only to live love without ever asking what it is. It is an impenetrable mystery.
The book I have recently written deepens has many contents. I want to draw it to your attention, as

you may be interested in it. The title is “Travels of the Mind” and it is available at

If you have any questions, I am most willing to offer my views on this topic.

Ettore Grillo

That would be the textbook definition of unrequited love...

Since when does somebody else's feelings define my own? Unfortunately, it's not the rosy, happy, sunshiny sort of love, but that's not what love is to me.
Yes you can be in love with one who does not love you in the same way. Many people have experienced "unrequited love", there are many poems, movies, books that explore this situation deeply. Though I'm uncertain that "unrequited" is the correct term to use at this point. I prefer to think of it as "Unmanifested Love" between the lover and the beloved. I plan on writing more about that on my blog at a future date, but just because it is unmanifested does not mean that it does not exist, it's very real within you.