Sorry this is so long- but this story takes place from September 2010 to present day:
It was two years ago and he was in my poetry class- and normally I don’t crush on people- but this one hit me hard. We had mutual acquaintances but never actually spoke to each other. So I just crushed/lurked from a distance- until I went to a friend’s birthday party and we were out at dinner and he showed up. I was drunk by this point and I decided I needed to use the washroom- but instead of going around the table and asking everyone to push in their seats- I crawled under the table. I know, classy. And he was standing right in front of me (so embarrassed!)- but I remember he helped me up. After that I made the decision that I had to talk to him.
We briefly danced together that night- but I was too shy to actually have a conversation.
I spent the rest of the school year trying to find a way to talk to him, but either I would lose my nerve and run away before he would notice me, or he didn’t show up to class or he was surrounded by people at parties (and I was usually fighting off guys who had crushes on me). So, as a last resort I sent him a FB message asking if he wanted to go out for coffee- but I never heard back from him, and later I was told he went back to Toronto.
After that I never waited to ask a guy out- as soon as I liked someone I would approach them.
Back in October, of this year, I went out with a bunch of my (at the time) boyfriend’s friends- my boyfriend ended up by ditched us. I was pretty bummed out - but then I saw this guy who looked like my crush-so I stalked closer, to get a better look. And it was him!!!
Of course he didn’t recognize me- but whatever. But I mentioned that I had sent him a message over Facebook and he remembered me- we ended up by dancing and exchanging numbers and then I took him home.
He stayed with me until the morning and he asked to see me again in two days- but he never showed up to our meeting place and I never heard back from him.
Fast forward to January: I had recently dumped my boyfriend and was feeling a little blue and I was on facebook and saw it was my crushes birthday.
For some crazy reason I wanted to send him a text wishing him happy birthday- but I thought it would make me look crazy. So I was all conflicted..until I got drunk and then I sent him a text.
And he sent me one right back asking what I was up to and being super nice.We then made plans to hang out that Friday. Even though we made plans I didn’t expect him to show up - so I was just hanging out in my pjs and it was 10 mins past the time he was suppose to come- and because I didn’t expect anything I wasn’t upset. But then I got a text and he said he was sorry for running late- and he did come and we cuddled and watched Monty Python. When I asked him why he stopped talking to me he seemed confused and acted like he didn't remember.
We kept in touch this time and we had a second date a week later- this time it was a double date with his best friend and his gf at the movies. He then went away for a snowboarding trip for two weeks, but during those two weeks he sent me texts and said that he missed me and wanted me to meet more of his friends- so we made plans but his bus was late getting back into town (damn avalanches) so he said he’d text me thursday- nothing…friday he cancels and then saturday he never got back to me.
Two weeks went by and I got this message on facebook:
im rlly sorry iv been such a dick
theres not rlly an excuse but i just alwayse dont answer texts and leave them and then i feel like its awkward and too late to respond. but ya i havnt left my house for like two weeks
Me: I thought you were probably busy but after a while it got kinda hurtful- I'm sorry for pestering you I didn't mean to
no dont apologize its my fault. Im kinda goin through some personal shit right now. i didnt rlly wanna get into it with you but im kinda strugling with some substance issues
didnt want u to know
Me: Dude, its cool - it actually did occur to me at one point. And hey, I'd like to think that we're friends so if you ever need me I'm here for you
i appreciate that. I have an assignment due at 9:30 tomorrow so i should go. but i promise to be more responsive in the future
Well, after that he was true to his word and instantly (or within a good couple hours or so) replying to my texts. Which he should have been doing in the beginning- but yay for him putting in the effort.He asked me out back on the 16th of March and we had an amazing date.
So, last week things were going well with my crush I told him that I was going to stay in town for another 10 days (I've graduated from university and will be moving) and he seemed pretty excited about it - and he revealed to me that he’s actually got a nerdy side and we bonded over our nerdyness and things seemed to be going really well.
But then, I was suppose to come over to his place on Saturday after he got back from snowboarding- but he never got back to me.
I asked one of my best guy friends (in the whole wide world <3) what I should do- since I wanted a guy’s perspective and I think he’s more upset about the whole thing than I am. I had told him that I planned on telling my crush that I like like him and my friend was like “It would be better in person, but you may not get that chance- send him a message so you can get it off your chest and either he’ll rise to the occasion or you can move on.”
and I was all like “No, I’ll wait- I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt. I know he’s a flake/has issues blah blah blah” But then I saw him on Facebook chat yesterday and he didn’t say anything - so I was like, screw waiting! I’m blurting it out and carrying on.
So, I sent him this:
"I wanted to tell you this I'm person- but I have a feeling that I won’t get to see you again.
And I'm sure you'll think this is very silly- and I know it is lol.
The only reason why I had my time in Kamloops extended was so I could see more of you- because I like you- although, I'm sure you already knew that.
And because I like you, and have liked you since I first met you, when I see you or talk to you I'm totally elated but when you flake its rather crushing. I like to believe its just your nature and you don't do it on purpose- but it still hurts- a lot.
Honestly, if I wasn't so fond of you, I would have stopped talking to you after the first time you flaked (We're on the fifth or sixth time now ).
I'm not wanting an apology or anything - please don't. I just wanted to get this off my chest and say that I care for you in words, rather than actions, because I had been waiting years to do so( and was hoping to tell you last Saturday- because I chickened out the last time)and now I can leave Kamloops without feeling like I have unfinished business. But again, I'm sure you knew the extent of my feelings - and I thank you for humoring me.
But if you still want me (despite my mushy, girly feelings) I'd like to still hang out with you. But please, please remember that I don't know how much more flakiness my poor heart can take.
Also - sorry this is so long and melodramatic sounding"
Part of me is glad to finally have it all out- but the other part of me is like:
Omg, omg, omg..he’s going to think I’m such a crazy weirdo.
So now all I can do is wait- although I’m not expecting a reply.