As I have more time to analyze him, I little by little I became interested in him. I hid my attraction to him. I went along with my friends who keep following him. Secretly I enjoyed it but I manage to pretend I'm bored. I had handful of 'small talk' with him because of school stuff. I was so naive by then.
Then my friends discovered my little secret and they told it to the whole class. I'm so embarrass that I denied it and stay away from him. It was the biggest mistake I've done in my whole life. Because at that point our friendship had broke apart.
After some years, may girls got involved with him. I'm so pathetically jealous but chose to keep my cool. I'm raging with my feeling. I'm envy with all of the people whom he talk to.
And what made me really cry is to know that he cried over a girl who don't even give a damn about him. He's so in to them. I cried every night whenever I see him try to win over the girl. How I wish I was in her place. How I wish I'm the one who he devote his life but I'm not.
I pretend I don't care even if it shows. I know my friends always see the flash of pain in my eyes behind my smile. I try to say it's okaybut it's not. The pain is to unbearable.
Up to know he still haunts my thoughts. Though we're not studying in the same school, I still hear news about him every now and then. I am still updated about every girl he taken his likings. And I still know he still like the girl back then. But now i learn to control my feelings. I learn to take the fact that it's our fate not to have a chance to be even just friends. I may regret the day I try to get away from him but now I know more. I learn to accept the reality of life.